Opposites Attract in a Passive Aggressive Marriage




You’ve heard the saying before, that opposites attract. The good girl attracted to the bad boy, the party animal attracted to the wall flower, and the rich guy attracted to the poor girl are all examples of it. The same can hold true for a passive aggressive marriage as well.

It isn’t uncommon for a passive aggressive man to find a responsible, hardworking, take charge kind of woman. The passive aggressive partner, on the other hand tends to be unreliable, negative, and resentful. He would enjoy sitting back and letting his spouse do all of the work. This kind of passive aggressive marriage can be a recipe for disaster.

How does a person become passive aggressive? Most likely, this behavior started in childhood. Imagine a child whose parents do not allow him to express himself. Maybe his parents neglected him and didn't give him much attention. He then was unable to express any negative feelings to them. They either ignored his feelings, or punished him. This leaves the child feeling helpless, since isn’t able to do anything about the situation. This also makes him very angry.

As he grows up, he’ll do what he’s told, but often forgets things on purpose and sabotages himself and others. Doing so gives him a sense of control that he never had as a child. This passive aggressive behavior continues into adulthood, and he brings it into his marriage as well.

The passive aggressive marriage can be a tumultuous one. The passive aggressive spouse could resent helping around the house. At the same time, his spouse will eventually tire of doing most of the work. She’ll ask her spouse to help with certain things. In the passive aggressive mate’s mind, she is being too demanding, and reacts showing passive aggression. He might “forget” to do the laundry, or do a poor job cooking dinner. This upsets the wife, which only leads to hurtful comments and criticism made by the passive aggressive spouse.

A way to help a passive aggressive marriage is to both ask less of your spouse, and do less yourself. It may sound crazy, but doing so will put less pressure on your mate. Meanwhile, you can disengaged from your deepest feelings from this person and be more able to evaluate this relationship and see where it is taking you.